


Facing Fears

by TrioMaxwell



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrioMaxwell/pseuds/TrioMaxwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin hasn’t been in the ocean since his father died.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing Fears

Rin has never swum in the ocean ever since his father passed away, not in Japan or even when he was away in Australia. His mother had forbidden it at his father’s funeral, had hugged him bone-crushingly tight and made him promise, tears streaming down her face, never to go into the sea, _ever_ , and he had. Strangely, she allowed him to swim in man-made pools of chlorinated water, which didn’t really make sense, since people drowned in them just as easily too.  

So he sort of understood how it was when he found out Makoto was afraid of the water, thinking, “O _h, just like mother_.” He also thought that Makoto was incredibly brave for continuing to swim despite the fear, or swimming so well because of it (he remembered Makoto beating him at the 100m breaststroke event in 5th grade). He also knew that Makoto swam in the ocean during their summer training camp from Gou.  

Rin then wondered at himself, if he stayed out of the ocean because of his promise to his mother, or if he was just using it as an excuse to stay out, because deep down, he was afraid of the ocean too.  

The idea that he could have some deep psychological block stopping him from swimming anywhere bothered him enough to make a trip down to the beach on a Saturday morning to take a swim, just to prove he could. The train ride and walk down were uneventful but the moment he laid eyes on the sparkling water of the sea, a heavy, reluctant feeling settled in his stomach, and he found he had no desire to get into the water, much less swim, anymore.  

 _"You promised Mum you wouldn’t, swimming in this dirty water is stupid, what’s the point of doing this?"_ He recognized himself shilly-shallying and asked himself cautiously, “Are you afraid because you think this thing that killed Dad will kill you?”

"I’m not afraid," he told himself angrily, "and what happened to Dad won’t happen to me!"

"Not today anyway," he amended, trying to be realistic. "The weather is nice."

The smell of the sea brought back memories. He vaguely remembered the feel of salt water stinging his eyes and the back of his throat as a child as he rode on his father’s shoulders through the waves, the slick feel of his father’s body as he was dunked and ducked, shrieking joyfully into the water.

He also remembered the funeral procession and long lines of grim faced men dressed in white as they made their way around Iwatobi Harbour after the storm, the incense, the chanting, the crying families, his mother silently sobbing as she cried, the frozen knowledge that _daddy isn’t coming back anymore_ … 

_"Promise me, Rin!"_

He blinked and found himself scowling at the water.

"I’m sorry, Mum," he said aloud and made himself doff his socks and running shoes and walk down the sand of the deserted beach.  

The sand crunched under his feet like breakfast cereal, sticking everywhere. He reached the high-tide mark and dropped his bag, stripping off his shirt and pants to stand in his leggings and quickly pulled on a long sleeved rash vest. Grabbing his goggles, he strode quickly down the damp sand and stood ankle deep at the water’s edge for the first time in a long time. He shivered, goose pimples breaking out over his skin.

It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn’t told anyone about his decision to go swimming in the open water today, and thus no one would know where he was if something _really_ did happen to him, like getting eaten by sea zombies and/ or disappearing forever without a trace.

 _"Nothing’s going to happen!"_ he snarled at himself.

_"But the first rule of water safety is to never swim alone… much less without anyone knowing where the hell you are!"_

Cursing at himself and his voice of reason for gutlessness, he strode back to his bag and grabbed his phone. “ _Gou’s out, she’d tell Mum and make her worry. Nitori’s out, he’s visiting his family the next city over, Nagisa and Rei, nope, next town, and Haru, that guy, never uses his bloody phone… That leaves…”_

 _< I’m swimming in the sea today  >_, he fired a text off to Makoto. It then occurred to him that Makoto might not be the best person to send such a text out of the blue to, given his hydrophobia, so he sent another text.

 _< I’ll be alright. It’s near your school. Just wanted to tell someone. >_  

 _"There, maybe you can actually start swimming now?"_ He mentally chastised himself. Not allowing himself to wallow in indecision anymore, Rin pulled on his goggles as he strode into the water to waist depth, snapped the goggle strap angrily against the back of his head and plunged straight in.

Swimming in the sea was different from swimming in the pool, he realised immediately, the poor water clarity and current tugging him every which way serving to remind him that all this could make swimming horribly unpredictable. It also made him angry at himself for being so inexplicably fearful about things that probably all existed only in his head, _like storms, waves, nasty stinging jellyfish or poisonous sea snakes or flesh-eating sea zombies with fucking sharp teeth and giant tentacles reaching up from below to grab him…_

 _"FUCK IT ALL~~~~~~~~,"_ he screamed in his mind as he front crawled furiously away from the beach even though it was in the opposite direction of where he wanted to go. He pushed himself on until his arms and lungs started to burn, then finally slowed to a stop and started to tread water. So far, so good. No sudden change in the weather or tentacles grabbing at his legs. No dead people in the water. See? Just as he expected, really. He kicked out a little harder though, just in case. He looked around him, at the horizon, at the sky, at the not-so-distant beach, bobbing up and down, hearing only his panting, the blood pounding in his ears and the silence.  

_"Had enough yet? Is it about time to go back?"_

Rin snorted and continued swimming. He sometimes wondered if he was a sadist or masochist, the way he tried to kill the little voice in the back of his head that suggested that he had done enough. He’d realized that he was a sucker for reverse psychology some time ago, since the one way practically guaranteed to make him try harder was to tell him that he couldn’t do it. Rin had concluded that he was stubborn, ornery or just wired wrong that way. This contrary nature had led to  _a lot_ of stupid stunts.  

Like how he was now currently swimming in a straight line away from land, out into open water for no real reason, mentally yelling “ _YOU’RE AN IDIOT, MATSUOKA RINNNNNNN~~~”_ all the way.  

Oh well. Angry as Rin was with himself at this moment, he knew he would be angrier still if he stopped/gave up now. He couldn’t stand himself sometimes but it was best to get it all out of his system and move on. 

After some time, he felt himself begin to really tire and turned to look at the shore to make sure that was still there. He was a little alarmed that he couldn’t see the beach anymore and that he was rather off course from his expected straight line. He licked his lips, feeling them start to prune and grimacing at the salty taste. He estimated that he had been swimming for fifteen to twenty minutes, give or take a few. _That means another twenty minutes, probably longer, getting back, idiot. Better turn back now._  

He angled himself towards the beach and started to swim back. Or, at least, he tried to. Bloody hell, it felt like someone had replaced all the muscles in his arms with lead. He lay on his back and started to kick, trying to propel himself backwards to the shore.  

Suddenly, he thought about his father, struggling against ten foot tall waves, feeling perhaps ten times more tired than he was now, swallowing salt water, drowning, going under…  

A wave washed over his face and he jerked upright, spluttering and coughing, tears pricking his eyes as he thought about how cold and lonely it would be to…. _Idiot, don’t go there!_

"….Ri~~~~~~~~n…"

He lifted his head, looking around. He thought he had heard his name. He focused and…. 

"….Ri~~~~~~~~n…"

There it was again. After a while, he spotted an olive-haired speck not too far away from him, waving first, then start to swim towards him.  

Makoto made good time swimming towards him, probably cos he hadn’t been madly swimming out like a maniac at the start like Rin had. He stopped a couple of arms length away from Rin and they stared at each other. Rin wondered why he felt happy that Makoto was concerned enough to come out after him despite being afraid, and relief that he was no longer alone.  

"Yo," Rin said, and mentally winced at how inane it sounded.  

"Hi," Makoto greeted, then looked around as if seeing where they were for the first time. Like it was normal for two people so paranoid about the sea’s unseen dangers to be meeting in such a place. "Heading back?"  

"Yeah, in a bit." He decided he could trust Makoto to keep quiet about today, felt like he understood Makoto a bit better than before. "I’m… rather tired right now," he admitted. The brunette raised his eyebrows but kept quiet and they trod water in silence together. Rin wondered if they were getting further away from the shore.  

Of course, the wind would choose that time to pick up, blow the clouds in, and make that worrying mini-waves texture on the surface of the water that heralded an impending squall. Rin shivered as he felt the sudden drop in temperature. Crap, doing stupid things on his own was fine, but he would never forgive himself if something happened to Makoto. “Let’s go.”  

Makoto smiled encouragingly and they both struck out for shore together.

Fear, Rin found, was a great motivator. So was someone keeping pace at your side. It was easier to go on, knowing that all he had to do was to keep up with Makoto. Adrenaline drove the tired feeling from his arms and soon, the fear that they wouldn’t make it was replaced by the certainty that they would, and before he knew it, they were splashing through the shallow water back to blessed shore.  

The relief at reaching the sanctuary of land was somewhat undercut by the rain coming down like hard little pellets that actually bloody hurt when they hit, almost like the ocean was trying to herd them back into its watery embrace.  

"Come to my place!" Makoto shouted over the wind as they grabbed their belongings from the sand. Rin nodded and soon they were racing barefoot through the intermittent waves of raindrops that poured down on them to the Tachibana residence. Rin found himself grinning manically; he was shivering cold and tired as hell, but the rain couldn’t possibly hurt him and he felt inexplicably alive. The rain came down in earnest just as they reached the door. "Safe!" Rin couldn’t help gasping as they crossed the threshold and slammed the door behind them. He then promptly sneezed twice.

Makoto laughed softly and told Rin to get himself into the hot bath before he caught a cold. Rin refused to go before Makoto did and they finally compromised by going together. It turned out to be a good thing cos Rin fell asleep in the bath with shampoo still in his hair and Makoto had to help him finish, dress up and guide him to his room where he promptly fell into Makoto’s bed, curled up and sank into a deep sleep.  

—————

When Rin woke up, he found himself spooned from behind, cocooned in blankets, sandwiched between a sleeping Makoto and the wall. It reminded him of the sleepovers they had when they were twelve years old. The wall wasn’t particularly interesting, then or now, even to his fatigue-fogged mind, so he turned around, struggling a little with stiff limbs and soft blankets, helped a bit by a drowsy Makoto who obligingly loosened his grip so that he could turn around and hug Makoto around the waist, plant a ear to his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart.

"No zombies," he mumbled happily.  

Makoto snorted quietly, pulling him closer, ducking his head briefly to nuzzle Rin’s hair. “Not if I can help it.”  

They lay in silence for a while. Rin decided that Makoto’s heart was beating too loudly for him to be asleep, so he said, “Thanks for coming out to look for me.”  

Makoto twitched a little. “I was worried.”  

"What for?" Rin mock-growled. "I can swim."  

"I know you can. But it’s been a long time since you’ve swum in the ocean, right?"  

Rin tensed a little as he looked cautiously into Makoto’s steady green eyes. “Why do you know that?”  

Makoto sighed a little. “From Gou-chan.”

Rin blinked, frowning.

"Gou-chan is a brave girl, but she wouldn’t step into the water during the training camp, not even to get her feet wet. I thought it was strange even though all of us were there. She told me about the promise your mother made you make, how the two of you haven’t been in the sea since your father passed away."

Rin felt himself turn equal parts embarrassed and confused, neither of which were emotions he dealt really well with. Makoto’s large hand fumbled for and gripped Rin’s hands to his chest in a way that he never did when they were twelve years old.  

Makoto spoke slowly, like he was trying to untangle his feelings from his fears. “I know what it’s like to try and overcome a fear. It’s easier if you aren’t alone. I care about you, alright?” His voice broke a little; his chest expanded as he took a deep breath. “I care about you and I can’t stand the thought of possibly losing you. So when I heard you were going to swim in the ocean, on your own, I had to be there.”

He kissed Rin on the forehead, hard and desperate, then pressed their foreheads together. Rin’s eyes widened as he felt hot tears against his face.

"I care for you, as more than a friend, okay?" 


End file.
